I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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