I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
