I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
