is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
