i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
