guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
