so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
