i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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