Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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