Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
