Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
