I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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