This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I could make wine with my vomit
Do vagina's smell?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
