sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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