this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
