So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
