I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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