I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
