If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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