She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize