We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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