did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
