Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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