drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
