It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
