Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
