How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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