You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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