i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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