The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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