The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
