remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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