You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
