Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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