I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
