dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
