very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I could make wine with my vomit
of course. lets lasso hookers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
