I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have aggressive nipples.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
