My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
