..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize