the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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