Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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