I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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