I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
