Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
