You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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