Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
