what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize