i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
