Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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