do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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