Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
