im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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