Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
