I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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