I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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