is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
