So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I lost the right to judge tonight
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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