I cockslap morals
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
