so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
