The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
