two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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