I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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