Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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