And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
