You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
