and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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