Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
