If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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