Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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