im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
