The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
