That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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