JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
