There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
