The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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