dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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