So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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