yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
