You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
