She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
