I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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