You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
