I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
