I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the day after is always just damage control
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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