mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
