I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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