I seem to have left my pride at pride
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
