im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
