seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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