Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is Oprah even human
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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