You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Still dying that you shit outside
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
